Marjory Razorblade (Kevin Coyne)

Marjory Razorblade is as keen and sharp as can be

Will always settle my problems for me

She will sort out all my dusty neighbours

Cut a swatch right through their undignified ways

And if they talk about me behind my back

She will not play their game, she will not play that game, she will not play their game

Oh, Marjory Razorblade oh what a picture she made

In her long and her fusty dress a nd her hair that she plaited best

Oh what a woman, what a tongue, what an abrasive manner

And if anyone upsets me, they will regret it, they will regret it

Oh she's mine though she's over fifty-nine

She's experience of the world far beyond my years

Oh mother me Marjory oh Razorblade

Mother me Marjory oh Razorblade

Marlene (Kevin Coyne)

Girl of my dream, Marlene You know who I mean,

Marlene You're just a dream, woah Marlene You let me come in, let me come in

Cos youÕre there every night, Marlene You are just right, Marlene

And I turn on my light, woah Marlene You let me come in, let me come in

Paper is torn, Marlene Paper in the warm (?), Marlene

And I'm just a boy [or is it 'And I've just been born' ?], Marlene

You let me come in, let me come in

Chorus: I say hey, hey pretty girl hey

Turn off my light, Marlene You're just as bright, Marlene

Come here tonight, Marlene Why don't you let it come in, let it come in

Chorus

Paper is torn, Marlene Magazine worn, Phone's off the wall Marlene

Why don't you let me come in, let me come in

Powdered paint, Marlene Paper on the wall, Marlene I'm having a ball, Marlene

You won't let me come in, Let me come in !

Guitar tab for that one (this is a Word file)

Talking To No-One (Kevin Coyne)

Talking to no-one is strange, talking to someone is stranger

You might be in danger yes if you say too much in this world

Being on your own is hard, being with someone is harder

All the confusion inside you and there's no-one to guide you

I once found a friend, someone I could care for

Now that friend has gone, I might find a friend in the end

You know I want to go back somewhere where the warmth is, anywhere, oh I don't care

(repeat everything)

Eastbourne Ladies (Kevin Coyne)

You're always on your own, sitting on those seaside chairs on your own , e verybody there just passes you by

Nobody seems to care if you flash your underwear , no, I don't tell no lie

Your vested days are done now you know you're on the run, oh lady why why?

Your white and powdered face, you need some holy gr ace to pull yourself right back again

Chorus:

Eastbourne Ladies with your hair done up so nice

Eastbourne Ladies with your tea and lemon ice, lemon ice.

I think you need something new but you don't know just what to do , croquet on the lawn yet again

You smile at passing boys, you can't offer any joys, you don't understand young men

Got your money in the bank, money in the bank, now let's be franck, I want more than ten thousands pounds

I want everything you've got, I want the lot, give me give me give me give me all you got, oh help me, I need some, I'm so poor now

Chorus

So I wander round the town looking into rooms for you up and down , I see you everywhere

I believe I have choice, I believe I made my choice, come here old lady ??

Fifty years upon the beach, you should be tanned by now, you're out of reach, I hope I don't bring you down

Everything special about you, your pearls, your jewels and your money too , oh do you wear a crown when you go to bed now?

Chorus

[last verse not on cd, thanks to Rob Olver for that info]:

So now the day is done, the sun disappears and it starts to run

Oh the darkness creeps around

Moonlight sings and moonlight dreams, nothing to see, you make me ??

As I watch you tottering round this town

Nobody there, nobody there to care, you're ??, who really cares

I'll hold you tight maybe, maybe for a year

When the day, the day is done, all my heart it starts to run

Overflows on your plate, you'd better eat it all, eat it, eat it, eat it

Chorus

Old Soldier (Kevin Coyne)

Standing in a corner all alone

You know I'd like to take you, drag you home

Chest full of medals, every one of them clay *

One of yesterday's heroes who's had his day

Chorus: Why, why, why, why? (x3)

Old soldier, why, why, old soldier, why?

Nobody cares, why should they?

It's true, it's true, I know, you've really had your day

Abrasive comments from rich passers-by

You really should get a job you know , n o matter if you're ninety-five

Chorus

Still I'd like to take you on a new campaign

Bring a little sunshine into your life

Instead of all that driving rain

Chorus

Days go on, you can't change

Not enough left of you to rearrange

Drink after drink after drink, you know you stink

Build up something new, Lord, it makes me think

Chorus

Tell me why, old soldier, why?, please tell me why, somebody tell me why (ad lib)

* that clay medal was the subject of many discussions on the Kevin Coyne Group... Some people still believe the right word is "Clean". You decide.

Nasty (Kevin Coyne)

I've taken out your dog, your pet rabbit and your frog

I've opened all your mail, you realise you could go to jail

You can scream and scream and scream

But you still shattered my every dream

Chorus: You're nasty, so nasty (x2)

Nasty (x4)

Tell me why you're so nasty to me.

I've waited days for you, ain't going to wait on long holidays too

Left me in charge, left your poodles at large

It's me who has to wipe up the mess

Next thing I know you'll have me wearing a dress, no fair now

Chorus

I've done everything I can, now you say I'm not a man

Ask me why should I care, I don't know why but I want to share

Stocks and shares you've got, before I'm gone, I'll have the lot

Sounds bad but it's true

Chorus

You have to draw the line, shatter, shatter the ??

Back to my mother and father

Back to my homosexual brother

Let's get back into my normal mess

I can discard my expensive dress

Tell me now

Chorus

Nasty, nasty to me (ad lib)

House On The Hill (Kevin Coyne)

Well I'm going to the house upon the hill , the place where they give you pills

The rooms are always chilled, they're never cosy

Where they give three suits a year and at Christmas time a bottle of beer

And at Easter time the mayor comes round, he's always smiling

Where the old ladies sit by the garden wall and they never hear the bluebird call

Never notice the leaves that fall cause they're all crazy

Where the red bus stands by the great big gate

The red bus that's always late, you know why it's always late

Cause it's always empty

Chorus:

Funny, funny, funny, funny, oh so funny that's it's making me cry

Funny, funny, funny, funny, oh so funny Lord, sometimes I wish I could die.

Now this pagan life is getting me down, my brow is filled with a furl and a frown

My eyelids lower as low as can be but I'm not sleeping

I wander round that Brixton Square with the bottles strewn everywhere

Under tables and under chairs and they're all broken

Where the big red face of the man on the beat

Says Hey, have you had someting to eat?

Thrusts out his yellow teeth, they're all for biting

Where I don't have a cent and I don't know how I'll pay the rent

I think I'll turn bent and make some money

Chorus

So if you know a way I can go from out of this show you know

You could give me a golden glow but you're not trying

You'd never lift a regular hand, you call me a lazy man

Who on earth will ever understand I'm really trying

So I'm going to the house upon the hill , the place where they give you pills

And where the doctors they don't kill cause they're so friendly

Where the red bus stands by the great big gate

The red bus and it's always late, you know why it's always late

Because it's always empty

Chorus

Cheat Me (Kevin Coyne)

Cheat me, baby cheat me, cheat me, oh cheat me

Oh you won't cheat me cause I'm gonna cheat myself

Love me, oh love me, love me, oh baby love me

Oh you won't love me cause I'm gonna love myself

Touch me, oh baby touch me, oh touch me, oh touch me

Oh you won't touch me cause I'm gonna touch myself

I'm the top, I'm the top, I'm the top, oh I'm the top

I'm the top pretty baby, there ain't nobody else

Oh cheat me now, oh yes, I'll cheat myself, I will, oh you cheat me baby though I don't mind

Love me, baby love me, honey love me, why don't you love me

Oh you won't love me cause I'm gonna love myself

Twist me, twist me, twist me, oh twist me

No you won't twist me cause I'm gonna twist myself

One more time

I'm the top , I'm the top, I'm the top, oh you know I'm the top, honey baby

I'm the top baby, there ain't nobody else

Cheat me all the way home

Jacky and Edna (Kevin Coyne)

You called me Jacky, I called you Edna

Sitting in the green arcade, laughing at the paper hats we've made

The white sea wall, the boarding house

Sitting round the table, your sister, mother, brother and little boy

Now I'm so lonely, just a picture of you

Stuck up in my bedroom, everywhere I go I think of you

Chorus: Why can't we go out darling like we did before?

Life should be ever open, ever open door

Now I'm so lonely, lost and all alone

They say you're married with children of your own.

Called me Jacky, I called you Edna

The white seagulls around, circle breaking, what a sound

The big arcade, the noise inside

Seen you drift down the peer, oh how your grey skirt glides

You know it"s right, it can't be wrong

Just two weeks, one summer, didn't last so very long

Chorus

Called me Jacky, I called you Edna

Now you're gone away, living somewhere, no-one will say

Not a line, a single card, sitting in this lonely room

Don't you know the times are hard

No work at all, no money too

Dreaming, dreaming dreams, lonesome dreams with tales of you

Chorus

Everybody Says (Kevin Coyne)

Everybody says, yes, I'll be flying high one day (x2)

But it's not easy, not easy to change

When you've always seen the world in color of black and grey

Everybody says, yes, hold your hands right up and smile (x2)

But I'm not smiling although I try

Show me the wretched of the world and I am liable to cry

Everybody says, yes, why do you always weep and moan (x2)

It's because I don't expect a change

I've gone round this ballroom so many times now I can't dance

So everybody says, yes, believe in yourself now, try and try

Kiss your best friend, kiss him long

I will try to kiss him but I won't feel so very strong

I'm weakening now, I'm weakening down

Yes I'm weakening, falling around, bury my head once again into that solid barren ground

Mummy (Kevin Coyne) (see also Daddy)

Daddy let the dogs of war out, let them bite me now (x3)

Set them out to chew, oh to chew, all my boots and shoes

Daddy let the sheeps of peace out, let them graze around (x3)

Set them out to see me, oh be me, so peacefully

Daddy, set your old face smiling, set it smiling now (x2)

Smile and smile and smile and smile

Cause that's all I ever wanted to see is when you're smiling and you're chuckling at me

Daddy get angry angry angry angry angry do (x3)

Cause that's all I know of you, when you go, when you're going...

Mummy, mummy, where's mummy, where's mummy, where's mummy

Mummy's in the garden, wearing her best clothes (x2)

Mummy's in the garden, wearing her pretty best clothes

Mummy mummy mummy, isn't daddy funny

Let's hide away till he finds, till he finds a way, till he finds a way

Karate King (Kevin Coyne)

Yeah they call him the Karate King

Chopping children down like trees

Bringing cows to their knees

Making their udders bleed

Now they call him the Karate King

Top of the shop in his robe

Nothing there can grow when he's around

Going chop-chop (x3) down in the gymnasium

They call him the Karate King

Like a bird on a wing

Standing posing at the window, at the door in his vest

His white and muscled flexing at all the passing girls

Smashing his way through the window frames

Ripping apart his mother's pearls

They're dying on the dressing table

Chop-chop (x4)

So if you see the Karate King

Help him, help him

Maybe you'll tie, tie his shoe laces

Come on, come on, comment on his pomaded hair

Tell him he would have been an excelent kamikaze pilot in the Second World War

Cause that's what he wants to hear, that's what he wants to hear, in the gymnasium

Chop-chop (x3)

Dog Latin (Kevin Coyne)

Painted grottos all falling down

Prayer books and hymnals all strewn around

Father McCarthey cannot say his prayers

Locked all the doors and taken away the chairs

Chorus: And the cardinal still sits on his golden throne

Weeping and praying out in the hot day sun

Little white lamb of God trapped in the wires

Burning a brand new flame, a brand new fire.

Rome is empty, all the parishioners have gone

Everyone's on the night life, they're out having fun

Nobody's there, no nobody's home

A little black monkey's on the Sits on the Papal throne

Chorus

Dominus vobiscum et cum spiritu Gloria Gloria Kyrie eleison Christi eleison kyrie eleison ???????????????????????????????????? Amen

Nobody cares and why should they care

I don't want to see it, no I don't want to share

Yes I sing for free and nobody bothers me

No I'm not a penitent, I'm blind but I can see

Chorus

Dominus vobiscum et cum spiritu Gloria gloria Kyrie eleison, Christi eleison Kyrie eleison Christie eleison ad nauseum ???????????????????????????????????? Amen

And the cardinal still sits on his golden throne

Weeping and moaning out in the hot day sun

Little white lamb of God trapped in the wires

Burning a brand new flame, a brand new fire

This is Spain (Kevin Coyne)

We got the tickets, caught all the trains

We're on our way to our holidays again

Everybody knows it's the time of the year to get some sun on our muscles

On our muscles that are white

We need something to make us brown

Brown as berries, brown

The two kids are wandering round the town

Buying various oddments

Various assorted things

Hope they don't steal my clothes while I'm away

That waiter looks suspicious, lurking around

I saw him across the way

He was singing songs, evil songs

Clicking his heels, flipping around

I'm sure he is a gangster, someone bad

I'll have to run back, I'm on the wrong side of town

This is Spain (x2)

This is Spain on our holidays again

This is Spain on our holidays once again

Oh Manuela, you look so well, oh Carla, is it Carla or is it, is it Manuela? Oh Manuela, Manuela...

Chairman's Ball (Kevin Coyne)

Everybody's dancing, yes, at the chairman's ball

Everybody's prancing, yes, at the chairman's ball

You can see the mayor and his wife

Dancing there the first time in their lives

You can see the chief of police

Dancing with his only niece

At the ball oh the chairman's ball

Well, you;ve got to get your ticket and go now for the chairman's ball

Anyone who's anyone is in the know about oh the chairman's ball

The committee, they're all there

Sitting in their roped-off square

All the patients, they're in a line

And every one of them is feelin' fine

At the ball oh the chairman's ball oh the chairman's ball

Well now soon as midnight comes around at the chairman's ball

You know you know you can't be found at the chairman's ball

Now you know you've had your fun

Now you know you've got to run

Now you know you've had your fun

Be thankful nobody used a gun

At the ball oh the chairman's ball

Good Boy (Kevin Coyne)